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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28984335">we're not who we thought we were</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nap_princess/pseuds/stinging_nettle'>stinging_nettle (nap_princess)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>cherished original series/characters [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Celebrity AU, Drug Abuse, F/M, Gen, I wrote this fic for me but y'all can read it if you want, If anyone knows a Japan-centric collection I can add this work to; please tell me?, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Japan, Minor Character Death, Modern AU, NaNoWriMo, NaNoWriMo 2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:15:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,447</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28984335</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nap_princess/pseuds/stinging_nettle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p>“What if I marry you, instead?”</p>
  <p>Sumire Kino is a young woman who loves life, but is constantly constrained by family and societal expectations to get married by the age of twenty-five. Unable to see a clear future where she will be able to live for herself and her happiness, Sumire finds herself struggling to find a solution ... that is, until an old childhood friend, George, comes into the picture. As a renowned musician with an equally publicised love life, he too has his own closet full of <i>onis</i> and pressures to face.</p>
  <p>Together they remain, but whether they’ll rise or fall deeper in the darkness of their own inner demons, is all up to them. </p>
  <p>— GeorgeSumire</p>
</div>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>George (Beppu Oni) &amp; Sumire Kino, George (Beppu Oni) &amp; Yutaka Kino, George (Beppu Oni)/Sumire Kino, Kino household, Sumire Kino &amp; Ayako Tanaka, Sumire Kino &amp; Moe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>cherished original series/characters [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1613785</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. i</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Notes 1: Ngl, I'm super nervous since there are heavy topic discussions and criticisms in this fic. Please be nice and educate me if you would like to share anything/see something that I've written wrong.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> <b>we're not who we thought we were</b></span>
</p><hr/><p>
  
</p><hr/><p>
  <b>i</b>
</p><hr/><p>A wedding can be a funeral</p><p>— Unknown</p><hr/><p>“Are you out of your mind?!”</p><p>George pretends that he can’t hear Sumire Kino yelling. He pretends he’s not loitering in the dining room of the Kino household. He pretends he's not staring blankly at a cooling cup of hot green tea and the pretty cookies laid out in front of him.</p><p>He’s not trying to eavesdrop; he just doesn’t know if he should leave. It’d be awkward if he does. It’d be embarrassing; what if he gets called back mid-way?</p><p>So, he pretends his childhood best friend, Yutaka Kino, isn't in the living room with his sister and their mother. George pretends three people, not even ten feet away, aren't battling and fighting. Instead, he stares at the familiar decorations — at the faded framed photos on the wall which he’s managed to sneak into during his youth; at the worn teal coloured dish drying rack by the sink; at the matching wooden furniture set that hasn’t changed in the years since he’s been gone.</p><p>George avoids looking at the tainted thin, sliding rice-paper doors that are closed shut to obscure his view. The illusion of privacy, however, is non-existent. George predicts that Yutaka’s likely playing the role of the responsible older brother. He remembers a time when Yutaka acted like the complete opposite — boyish, selfishly young and uncivil in his own way — up until the Kino siblings' father left the picture, and that’s when something in Yutaka bent into shape, leaving him with a newfound sense of responsibility as the only male in the house. </p><p>George can’t truly say he will ever understand what it feels like to be a brother. He’s an only child, but he knows that most of the Kinos see him as family. So much so that he thinks he might be babysitting right now, actually. Suffering beside him, George glances at Kikyou who has her back hunched over and her chin tucked on top of her small, clenched fists.</p><p>“This is so dumb,” Kikyou says.</p><p>“Yeah …” George answers, trailing off. His hands stay wrapped around his cup and never leaves despite the beverage’s boiling temperature hurting his skin.</p><p>“You want me to do <em>what now</em>?! Why are we talking about marriage at a time like this?! You want me to marry a complete stranger?!” Sumire continues, making George shrink at the mighty sound of her voice. “Are you even listening to yourself?!”</p><p>"Sumire-nee's probably burning holes into Mama's skull." Kikyou comments, her voice is in a low whisper. George wishes he could just sink into the ground and she must have read his expression, because she asks, "Do you want to go stand in the garden? Have a smoke?"</p><p>"Since when do you smoke?"</p><p>Kikyou shoots George a look. "I'm not a little kid anymore."</p><p>"Yes, but you've only just gotten into college. How did you get sucked up into such a bad habit so fast?" George asks.</p><p>Kikyou shrugs before asking, "Don't <em>you</em> smoke?"</p><p>“I quit.”</p><p>“Good for you,” Kikyou replies nonchalantly then pushes herself off the dining room chair. “So, outside?”</p><p>“I —”</p><p>“If it’s not me, then it’s Kikyou, right?! She can’t marry, she's too young! All the single men that are looking for a wife will be those desperate types that are way too old for her!” Sumire continues screaming, sounding absolutely furious.</p><p>The duo in the dining room hears Yutaka stepping in, trying to calm his sister down in response.</p><p>George grimaces.</p><p>“I have a type.” Kikyou says to Sumire’s yelling.</p><p>George raises a brow, caught off guard by the younger girl’s comment. Although, he doesn’t doubt it for a second. Kikyou’s certainly got that wild spirit that George knows he can’t entertain. He wakes up with back pain now.</p><p>“Are you only saying that because you’ve got a boyfriend?” He asks.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>George pauses. </p><p>There was something in the way Sumire scolded her mother that makes George think otherwise — that it's not just about the age gap. It’s small to those unfamiliar to Sumire, but George recognises the defensive tone. It’s strained enough to tell him that Sumire isn't telling the whole truth. That she knows something, something that Yutaka and her mother might not know. </p><p>Now that he thinks about it, the fact that Kikyou is hinting about the type of person she’s attracted to is a little too suspicious for timing.</p><p>“Girlfriend?” He asks eventually.</p><p>“Yeah,” Kikyou says, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink.</p><p>“Good for you,” George repeats Kikyou’s earlier words. They really aren’t that close. Admittingly, he’s always been closer to Yutaka and Sumire. Even if Sumire is three years younger than him.</p><p>“Hmm,” Kikyou hums then swiftly makes her way down the hall and to the shoe rack. “Tell me when it’s over.”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>The front door closes shut behind her and George tries to not panic as he hears Yutaka’s voice rise too. <em> Geez. </em></p><p>“I’m having none of this!” Sumire yells, pushing the doors aside with herculean strength. It makes a great sound for someone as small as her.</p><p>George gets a peek of Yutaka and Kino-san in the wide-open room; all red-faced and frustrated. There’s a short pause on Sumire’s end as she stares at George, confused. She did not expect him to be here: in her house.</p><p>“... George?”</p><p>Everyone goes silent. The reaction is to be expected. None of the Kinos, with the exception of Kikyou, knew that he'd be here. They would never have argued if they knew he was in their presence.</p><p>George attempts to smile but it fails to comfort those around him — not when he has his head angled down and his hands glued in front of him, still on that same cup of green tea.</p><p>"What are you doing here?" Sumire asks, blunt and straight-forward as she has been all her life.</p><p>George stares at Sumire. He hasn't seen her in years. She's older now; her baby fat has melted away, replaced with more lovely and mature features. But there's still that quiet fierceness and girlish rage that resonates and vibrates from her mere presence; hitting him the same way waves beat against a rocking boat at sea.</p><p>The worry lines etched on her forehead is almost a comforting sight, developed from all the times she'd stress over this and that. Sometimes George thinks Sumire's born with these lines; they’re the tree rings to her soul, the evidence that she'll forever be fussing over the big and small things.</p><p>George is certain these features are ingrained into him. Even if they were to drift apart, he’d be able to recognise Sumire anywhere from the way she clenches her jaw and the knots in her shoulders.</p><p>"Kikyou let me in." George explains simply.</p><p>Sumire sighs. "Of course, she did."</p><p>A beat passes.</p><p>Sumire inhales deeply. Her nails dig into the sliding door. Then —</p><p>“Did you hear what we talked about?” She asks.</p><p>George nods. He chooses to remain as silent as a monk, knowing very well that anything he says <em>can </em>and <em>will </em>probably cause an explosion of sorts.</p><p>“I’m going to take a walk. I need to be around the trees. Come with me?” Sumire says. Though, it sounded more like a command than a request.</p><p>George spares a glance at Yutaka, and they share a look that can only be understood between the two of them. George doesn't wait for a nod or any other approving signal. He expects that Sumire wants to rant and tell him her side of the story. It’s reasonable.</p><p>“Sure,” George replies in an even tone. </p><p>He picks up his cup and chugs his green tea. The heat leaves its mark down his throat. His manager would yell at him if the older man ever gets word of the reckless action George just did.</p><p>“You’re too calm for somebody pulled into bullshit,” Sumire says as her feet stomp down the hall. She’s already leaving him in the dust.</p><p>He follows her, staring at the back of her head as she moves. He notes that, at full height, Sumire reaches his jaw now, and her black hair has grown past her shoulders and down her back. </p><p>“I’ve seen stranger things.” George answers.</p><p>“Of course, you have,” Sumire replies, a hint of a grin spreading on her face. She slips into her outside shoes and doesn’t offer him a once over as she says, “You must have seen a lot while you were abroad in America.”</p><hr/><p>Outside, the duo begins walking, passing by a mix of houses and shops of all sorts of manners, shapes and sizes. </p><p>It’s silent between them, always has been when it comes to George. With each step she takes, each strike against the cobbled worn roads, Sumire hears the echoes of loose pebbles rolling away with the kick of her feet. </p><p>If she strains her ears and listens closely, the sounds of the waves crashing off in the distance might be strong enough to pull her in. The ocean is whispering for her to walk towards the beach of Matogahama Park. It’s a place that brings her back to the better times, reminding her of the seasonal festivals, their food stalls and the grand finale firework shows that lit up the skies on those wonderful nights. </p><p>She almost answers the call. <em> Almost. </em></p><p>But then she smells it, the overpowering scent of sulphur wafting into her nose, and she’s suddenly brought back to the present; smacked with a painfully constant reminder of where she is, where she lives, and where she’s always been her whole life.</p><p>Looking up, her eyes gaze towards the darkening sky to avoid the incoming tears. It doesn’t work. Sumire vaguely makes out the large streams of steam rising up from the natural depths of the ground and receives another vivid reminder that she lives in hell. How on earth did she think — even for one second — that she could avoid this reality? Beppu is a small <em>onsen </em>city with over two thousand natural and manmade hot springs scattered all around its proximity. </p><p>She and George walk, and walk, and walk. They pass all the mundane things she's ever known — shops and long stretches of fences, the stray cats she's named and petted, the cracks in the street, and even the <em> Jizo </em>statues that she always walked past day after day.</p><p>Sumire doesn't know where she's going. She said she wanted to be with the trees, but is that a true statement? Or is she heading somewhere else? To an <em>onsen </em>at the edge of the island to soak her worries? To a bar to drink her evening away? To the Hachiman Asami Shrine in the depths of the mountain on the other side of town to pray? She doesn't know, but her feet never stop moving and George never speaks.</p><p>Then suddenly, they're in the centre of town — the main attraction of the night.</p><p>Sumire's usual ignorance does not glaze over the billboards of gorgeous young women dressed up, beckoning lonely people to sit inside lively clubs and fork over money in exchange for some of their time and attention. It's nothing new. It’s a view Sumire's grown up with; a warning her parents have told her about, a part of the red-light district that hasn't been completely scrubbed clean from their history.</p><p>A hostess about Sumire’s age exits a club the same time Sumire’s eyes roam over the pretty woman’s plastic smile. Sumire should ignore it. But for a small flickering moment, despite Sumire herself having so little, she feels the urge to run up to the working woman and press whatever money she has in the pockets of her skirt into pretty hands. She wishes to give the woman something (<em>anything</em>, really) to help get away from this nightmare. Sumire wants to say that she understands that life is hard, that sometimes folks have to resort to all kinds of lines of work to make ends meet, and that Sumire's struggling financially too.</p><p>If only an open discussion about money isn’t so frowned upon, then maybe solving her problem would be so much easier. But money is a taboo topic in Japanese culture (and when is anything ever ‘easy’?). And that’s how the Kino household comes to their current conclusion, how her mother sees that Sumire’s only option is to be given to a man; but not just for a short period of time or a couple of nights — but for forever. </p><p>"Hey," George speaks up, muttering for the first time in what seemed like hours. His warm palm finds itself resting on Sumire's shoulder and she turns without protest. "Let's get something from the convenience store and sit for a bit?”</p><p>A small sniffle escapes. The back of her throat is scratchy. Sumire feels so weak right now. </p><p>"Okay," She nods and hopes that her tears don't spill.</p><p>She tells herself she's not upset.</p><hr/><p>There are sitting spaces inside the <em> Lawsons </em>store, but Sumire forgoes the comforting space in favour of a dimly lit spot by a Beppu park bench under a street light.</p><p>The moon is out and the air gets chillier by the minute but Sumire's crouched down beside some bushes, one hand clutching onto a plastic bag filled with drinks and snacks while the other hand is unoccupied. George could have sat on the empty bench and left Sumire to her own devices. But he doesn’t. Instead, he feels giant compared to her and bends down too.</p><p>“You’ve known me since I was a brat.” Sumire says as if that’s something noteworthy to point out.</p><p>“You weren’t a brat,” George replies.</p><p>Sumire snorts. “Yes, I was. Even <em>aniki </em>didn’t want to put up with me. He’s only responsible now because he has to be.”</p><p>“Sumi,” George begins his sentence, calling Sumire by the nickname he’s assigned to her ages ago. He doesn’t finish his words. He doesn’t know <em>what </em>to say. Or rather, he doesn’t know <em>how </em>to say it.</p><p>Luckily for him, Sumire’s got a lot of things to talk about.</p><p>“I’m against this whole marriage thing,” Sumire starts.</p><p>George nods, listening.</p><p>“Mama’s gone crazy, pushing her old ways onto her daughters. She wouldn’t dream of pushing this nonsense onto <em>aniki</em>, but me and Kikyou? No doubt, she will. She wants so desperately to see one of us become a wife. Actually, I don’t even think she cares about marital status. She just wants to see <em>a wedding </em>and get some grandkids. It’s so stupid. I don’t want to be a wife to someone I don’t like. And I know damn well that I won’t want to be a mother.”</p><p>Sumire drops her plastic bag by her feet and grabs a stick, scribbling in the dirt as she continues spilling her guts.</p><p>“I can understand why you’d be so on guard about this topic,” George tells her. He’s no stranger to the craze expressed by the women — young and old — around him. They’re very determined in finding a partner to swiftly be married.</p><p>“It’s not just Mama either,” Sumire frowns as her head dips and her eyebrows scrunch together. Ah, those familiar forehead lines make a comeback. “The neighbours and the nosy aunties and my friends talk about it all the time too. I’ve never liked it. I’ve never liked those ‘Are you going to have children? No? You're not? Then what's the point of your existence?’ chats. You can create things other than children to give meaning to your life; like friendship, memories, stories, books, art and videos.”</p><p>George resists the urge to pat her head the same way he did when she was little and had her tantrums. He knows there’s more to her than just anger.</p><p>“Don’t get me wrong, a lot of people are lovely and good at parenting. But … me?” She stabs at the ground. “No. No, never. It’s just not for me. I don’t want to be like Mama. I don’t want that life for myself!”</p><p>George nods as Sumire glares at the soil at her feet.</p><p>“I'm afraid that I'll be like those people who only seem to think that 'making kids equals the ultimate goal in life',” Sumire confesses, showing that vulnerable side of her that she hates <em>hates </em><b>hates </b>exposing. “I don't want to be like those parents who get sad when all their children fly the nest. Can you imagine me in such a position? I'll dedicate my entire life to them, then one day I’ll wake up old and call my kids too much, and one of my kids will get fussy then ask, 'Don't you have any friends or hobbies, Mama?', and I'll have to say, 'No, because I thought I only needed <em>this</em>. No, because I was told getting married and raising children was all I ever had to do in life. No, because I’ve poured time and money and love into a source, and only ONE source'. Isn’t that sad? Isn’t that just disheartening?”</p><p>She sniffles, and this time, George pats her head. Sumire doesn’t brush away his hand.</p><p>“That’s the life Mama has now because <em> Aniki </em> is working, I just graduated and Kikyou’s in college. I can’t —! I <em> don’t </em>want to be like her. I love Mama, I do, but I don’t want to be in her shoes <em>ever</em>. Mama just stays at home, twiddling her thumbs, calling us from time to time. And it’s sad, it’s just miserable. And I know that I’ll hate it.”</p><p>Sumire continues scribbling, refusing to meet George’s brown eyes. He doesn’t mind listening though; he’s always liked her telling him things he dreams he could say as freely.</p><p>“The way I see it, parents who’ve had children in their twenties will have all their kids move out by the time they reach their fifties. Assuming that everyone lives to one hundred years old, they have another fifty more years to live (given that they don’t die from something). They're at a stage where they're at half their lives! They’ve still got so much living ahead of them! I want to think past my family life, past my fifties — because if I don't, then ... then I'll be like those people who sit around thinking their life is complete when there’s still so much time to do more stuff. What are these folks gonna do then after not being able to have more kids? Just decide their life is over? I don't want to think like that when I’m only at a halfway point.”</p><p>Sumire raises her eyes to George, waiting for his response. He crouches closer next to her and looks over her shoulder to see the art she’s drawn. It’s her mother doodled as an <em> Onibaba</em>.</p><p>“Your life doesn’t have to be over,” George says slowly. “That's why it's so important to have commitments outside of family and work.”</p><p>Sumire makes an agreeing sound.</p><p>“But, you know, Sumi,” His tone is gentle, yet it makes Sumire want to groan. Here it comes: the voice of reason. “Your mom’s mostly pushing to see a wedding and grandkids because she’s sick and she knows she doesn’t have a lot of time left on her hands.”</p><p>“I know,” Sumire answers, tiredly. Then sighs and echoes her words. “<em>I know. </em>” She bites her lower lip. “But, George … it’s like she’s trying to bury my life along with her. It’s not just her funeral. It feels like mine too.”</p><p>George nods once more. He’s too polite when he chooses to be. He shouldn’t be though. He <em>shouldn’t. </em></p><p>“I … I’m not trying to be selfish. I swear that I’m not. I just …” Sumire swipes at her wet eyes before her voice hardens at the next statement. “What Mama is asking from me is just impossible,”</p><p>George recognises Sumire’s rising anger. He’s seen it many times. Sumire once said, she felt so angry — with hot rage — that imagined cooking an egg on her forehead. She’s certainly reaching this point; her pale skin has gone red. </p><p>Despite it all, he takes a risk and asks, “Why do you think so?”</p><p>Sumire’s voice cracks. “Are you serious?” She stares at him as though he’s gone mad.</p><p>He blinks at her.</p><p>“Who on earth is going to marry someone like me?” She asks him honestly.</p><p>There are tears once again brimming in her eyes but she doesn’t hide. She’s not afraid to cry in front of him. She trusts him with her sadness and her fury and her unstable emotions that rears its ugly head.</p><p>George has this way of making Sumire feel a little less misunderstood, a little bit less lonely with him around.</p><p>“Who wants to be with someone burdened with debt? With likely inherited illnesses?” Sumire continues. “Who’d want a brat like me?”</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>And he knows he shouldn’t, but he asks it anyway, “What if I marry you, instead?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Notes 2: Thank you <b>Marshmallow</b> for helping me with Japan info, beta-ing and being my partner in crime when we need to share brain cells together :)</p><p>— 26 January 2021</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sumire: Come back as soon as you can, alright? Don't be gone for too long.<br/>George, chilling for eight years in America:<br/></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Notes 1: All the schools mentioned, with the exception of APU and Beppu University, are made up.</p><p>Notes 2: In i, I brought up the issue of the Kino household being burdened with medical bills and that may contradict some Japanese Healthcare facts. I will elaborate on my reasoning within this chapter.</p><p>But, you can also watch this video about how I came to this decision here: https://youtu.be/8zggFFY3kX8?t=222</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> <b>we're not who we thought we were</b> </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>ii</strong>
</p><hr/><p>You are so brave and quiet, I forget you are suffering</p><p>— <strong>E</strong><strong>rnest Hemingway</strong></p><hr/><p>
  <strong>1</strong>
</p><hr/><p>It's a tradition in Japanese culture to eat cake on the 25th of December. Therefore, a cake intended for Christmas that's leftover is considered bad, leading to the term 'Christmas Cake' being coined for unmarried women over the age of twenty-five.</p><p>In the past, it's caused women to rely on either a hastily semi-arranged marriage to a friend of the family or — more frequently — to a foreigner who is unaware or simply does not care.</p><p>Sumire's twenty-five now, and she knows that she's one step away from fulfilling her mother's deepest fear. But, she thinks, is it oh-so bad to be single? Would it really be the end of the world? Doomsday itself? Even if she isn't repulsed by the idea, even if she did have a desire to be married, it's not a matter of <em>just being married</em> but <em>being happily married</em>!</p><p>And yet, she always wondered who decided to make 'love' a unanimous unattainable goal. And then she'd ponder on the reason why everyone was so obsessed with it.</p><p>...</p><p>It's not that Sumire hates romance. It's simply a fact that Sumire knows herself well enough to say that romance novels, <em>shoujo manga</em>, TV dramas and fairy tales never really suited her.</p><p><em>I'm bored, </em>She remembers thinking when her mother and sister used to binge watch and marathon rom-coms. Sumire would be more absorbed with the snacks that were running dangerously low or the worn-out carpet at her feet or the dust collecting in the corner.</p><p><em>I'm so bored. </em>She'd echo before discovering that she could just get up and do something else; like visit George's house and watch him learn to play any instruments that struck his fancy or listen to him attempt to re-create the sounds to the latest music he liked.</p><p>"<em>Do you think it's good?"</em> George would ask, squinting at Sumire with expectation, his fingers expertly poised on piano keys or the strings of a guitar.</p><p>Sumire would nod in return, having already long forgotten about the restlessness that plagued her hours ago. She'd say, <em>"Yeah, I love the beat," </em>with her whole face full of content and no regrets.</p><p>...</p><p>Like most of the youth that have begun to let go of the older generation's thinking, Sumire assumes that romance shouldn't be a problem. Being neutral about the topic shouldn't ostracise her when her peers no longer consider the idea of an unmarried woman in their late twenties as past their prime, undesirable nor no good.</p><p>It's not like she's avoiding or dodging advances (or so she thinks), until things start spiralling backwards.</p><p>And then she wonders, <em>What's happening?</em></p><p>Sumire never imagined that she'd let societal pressure push her into getting married. So, imagine her surprise to find herself in such a position: guilted by her dying mother's wish to have a wedding, and proposed to by a person who's not only considered 'a family friend', but also a bit of an 'outside foreigner' in the eyes of Japanese society thanks to his mixed-race status.</p><p>If she says 'yes', she will become a bride then a wife.</p><p>Sumire doesn't know how she should feel right now. Her life is about to change, all without her consideration. Is this the universe punishing her; swinging at her with 200% force for repelling 'love' all these years and making other necessities her main priority, because it feels like it?</p><p>If Sumire could pin-point the exact moment in her life where she noticed romance, she'd say junior high. She remembers it well, like the back of her hand. And just like this proposal, it too had come too suddenly.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2</strong>
</p><hr/><p>"Is Ayako not eating with us today?"</p><p>Moe shakes her head to Sumire's question. "Aya-chan's been busy with her classmates,"</p><p>Sumire tilts her head slightly and unpacks her <em>bento</em> box. "Do you think she'll skip eating with us completely?"</p><p>Moe can only shrug.</p><p>"Is there something special about class 1-C?" Sumire asks.</p><p>The three of them are supposed to be best friends. They used to be so close back in elementary school. It's still the first term of junior high —</p><p>Sumire still recalls feeling delighted by the sight of her reflection; looking cute in her green sailor uniform and the new hair-clip (pretty and decorated with pink sakura cherry blossoms) pinning back some of her shoulder-length hair away from her face.</p><p><em>"Happy birthday,"</em> George had said to Sumire when she opened the present, then he tossed her hair and made her grin.</p><p>— and yet, it feels like Ayako is already drifting away?</p><p>"Didn't Aya-chan tell you? The girls there are really into romance," Moe tells Sumire.</p><p>Sumire raises a brow in response and takes a bite of her lunch. "Should I know what that means?"</p><p>"Oh, Sumi-chan." Moe sighs. "Haven't you heard?"</p><p>The face Sumire makes is telling.</p><p>Moe continues, "Junior high is the gateway of when to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend,"</p><p>"Huh? Who said that, sounds gross?"</p><p>Moe laughs at Sumire's twisted expression. Her nose is all scrunched up and her mouth pressed in a thin-line.</p><p>"Don't be childish." Moe says, sounding grown up.</p><p>
  <em>Eh?</em>
</p><p>'Childish'? The way that Moe had said the word sounds foreign. Wasn't it <em>them</em> that had spent their time playing in parks, chasing bugs and building sandcastles by the beach not so long ago?</p><p>Sumire pouts, wanting to rebuttal, but also wanting to drop the topic. It leaves a bad taste in her mouth.</p><p>Fortunately for her, the discussion is dropped when Chizuru, Sugimura and Abe return from their trip to the canteen. Sugimura complains loudly about not getting the last <em>yakisoba</em> bread bun and starts accusing Abe of owing him a drink. This earns a swift kick from Abe, and as Sugimura's shin gives away, he gets an eye roll from Chizuru.</p><p>Moe panics, as she always does, she's so soft. And yet, Sumire is grateful for Abe's choice of violence and Sugimura's nonsense.</p><hr/><p>"How's that fancy school of yours? How's life treating you now that <em>Aniki</em> isn't latched to your hip?" Sumire asks George teasingly.</p><p>She glances at his private <em>eikaiwa</em> English conversation high school uniform and reaches over, pretending to dust off invisible dirt. George responds by swiping her small hands away. She laughs back playfully.</p><p>"There are more international kids there. They're more open-minded. I like it, they think I'm cool." George replies, grinning.</p><p>Sumire smiles back. "Ooohhh. Cool, you say?"</p><p>"I can be cool."</p><p>Sumire laughs again, and George shoves her in response. But the action isn't strong enough to send her flying, just enough to make her hit back twice as hard.</p><p>This goes on for a bit.</p><p>Then Sumire drops her teasing manner and says, "I'm glad you're enjoying it there."</p><p>"It's different." George says. He doesn't want to get into things, that would mean reflecting on the instances in elementary and junior high. The kids back then never outright bullied him for being a <em>hafu</em>, but there was some stigma about his character and an undeniable soft discrimination. Kids can be so mean at times. "What about you? Is Tanaka-chan still distant?"</p><p>"Ayako's obsessed with romance. She's spending so much time gossiping with those girls."</p><p>George offers her a sympathetic look. "It's okay. You still got me."</p><p>Sumire nods.</p><p>"And Yuta and Kikyou." George adds.</p><p>"Siblings don't count."</p><p>"What about your other friends then?"</p><p>Sumire opens her palm, ready to tick off her fingers to list the people she likes and can rely on. But all she comes up with is Moe. "I'm covered."</p><hr/><p>"Sugimura-kun's a funny guy, isn't he?"</p><p>Sumire looks up from her homework, perplexed by the sudden question. Her mechanical pencil pauses inches from her notebook and her eyes slide up to meet Moe's face. "I suppose. I've never really noticed."</p><p>"How?"</p><p>Sumire shrugs. "I don't think our sense of humour matches."</p><p>If anything, she laughs the most when she's around George. His jokes are the kind that makes her mad that she understands the meaning behind his sly drop-ins. He needs to stop it; people easily misunderstand him and take him out of context.</p><p>"I think Sugimura-kun's hilarious," Moe says and her lips spread into a smile that's filled with an unfamiliar emotion.</p><p>Sumire blinks. "Why are we suddenly talking about Sugimura-san?"</p><p>Moe's mouth drops open, stays still, then closes. "U — Uh, well ..."</p><p>She twiddles her thumbs before looking around the classroom. There are three people standing in the corner, but they're too far away to eavesdrop.</p><p>So, Moe leans in, cupping a hand over Sumire's ear. Sumire has no choice but to listen.</p><p>"Eh? You like Sugimura-san?" Sumire gaps at her friend.</p><p>Moe's head is bowed, cheeks probably painted pink. Sumire isn't sure if Moe is embarrassed or flushed with happiness to come to this epiphany.</p><p>"You can't tell anyone." Moe says, grabbing Sumire by the shoulders and squeezing — <em>hard.</em> Moe's grown since the first term — taller, slenderer — and she's abandoned her twin braids for a sophisticated high ponytail. Sumire misses the image of Moe that she grew up with.</p><p>"I won't." Sumire promises. She stares back at Moe, wondering what to say next. Should she give advice? Should she leave the conversation at that?</p><p>"I'm worried," Moe speaks. It's a statement that confuses Sumire.</p><p>"About?"</p><p>"Do you think Chi-chan likes Sugimura-kun as well?"</p><p>"<em>What?</em>" Sumire blanches then shakes her head. "Chizuru-san and Sugimura-san are close, but isn't that only because they're neighbours? They probably see each other as just friends or something."</p><p>"You never know." Moe protests. "They grew up together."</p><p>The lines on Sumire's forehead return as her brows knit together. "What about Abe-san? Isn't he close to Chizuru-san and Sugimura-san too?"</p><p>"Oh, Abe-kun definitely likes Chi-chan."</p><p>"<em>What?</em> Since when?"</p><p>"Gosh, Sumi-chan, open your eyes! How could you not notice?" Moe asks disapprovingly.</p><p>Sumire wants to throw her hands in the air, but Moe's soft palms are still holding her down. "I don't know. I guess it's because I never looked out for these things."</p><p>"You're hopeless,"</p><p>Sumire clicks her mechanical pencil in defence. "That's harsh."</p><p>"It's the truth though." Moe sighs once more. "Do you think I should talk to Aya-chan about this?"</p><p>Sumire's head jerks back in surprise. "Ayako?"</p><p>"I know we haven't talked in a while, but I think she's an expert in these things, don't you?" Moe asks in an innocent tone.</p><p>Sumire doesn't answer. She doesn't know how to.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>3</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Sumire wants to say it starts off small, little bite-sized pieces being taken off, but as soon as the second term starts, Sumire recognises a pattern. An imminent change in her friends, one by one.</p><p>Moe tells Sumire how she calls Sugimura late into the night on her phone during Summer break, how she worries about what he thinks of her, and how she fusses over what to pack into his <em>bento</em> box just to show him how much she likes him. Moe even starts calling him 'Sugi-kun' — which makes Chizuru and Abe fake gag each time, along with the teasing every chance the nickname is heard within earshot.</p><p>Sumire never outwardly says it, but it gets irritating listening to Moe talk. <em>Sugi-kun this</em> and <em>Sugi-kun that</em>; eventually, it becomes a relief when Moe spends more and more time with Sugimura.</p><p>But then it gets lonely.</p><p>Even if Sugimura's friends are relentless, even if Sumire finds it a comfort and is glad that she's not the only one who feels queasy about the whole ordeal, it's not like Sumire's close enough with Chizuru and Abe to join in on their joking and banter. They're classmates, at best, but it's not like they had a little gang starting off as a team of five and then eventually splitting into a couple and a trio. Chizuru and Abe are fine as a duo.</p><p>Sumire still isn't sure if Abe truly likes Chizuru, but she knows she doesn't want to be the third-wheel if romance does bloom between the two.</p><p>Suddenly, school isn't as fun as it used to be.</p><hr/><p>"You've been spending a lot of time over my place lately," George says, turning away from his laptop and the audio app he's fiddling with.</p><p>Sumire doesn't look up from the keyboard she's pretending to play.</p><p>She doesn't think this is an odd question. There has been a shift in the time they're spending together. George got more serious about his studies when he entered junior high, and thus spent most of his evenings at cram schools to get into the best high school. And now that that hurdle is over and done with, it's noticeable that they have more hours in their days to give each other.</p><p>"Is that a problem?" She asks.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Does <em>Aniki</em> want me to stop so that he can hang out with you more?"</p><p>"No." George repeats with a shake of his head. "Yuta didn't say anything to me. It's just something I've noticed."</p><p>"Now you're making me think that I'm intruding."</p><p>"You're not."</p><p>"Alright," Sumire says. She doesn't doubt him, he never gives her a reason to.</p><p>So, she gets up from the seat by the electric keyboard and pokes around his room, reading the variety of books on his shelf. A few English titles catch her eye.</p><p>"When did you get these?" She asks, pulling a novel out.</p><p>"My dad got them for me." George answers, sounding almost guilty.</p><p>"Have you read it?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Will you?"</p><p>George lifts a shoulder.</p><p>"You don't have a favourite genre, do you?" Sumire continues.</p><p>"Not really. I'll read just about anything."</p><p>Sumire hums. George has always been curious about all works of life.</p><p>"Is there a reason you aren't spending time with your friends?" George asks, catching Sumire off guard. Didn't they just drop the topic a second ago?</p><p>"No." Sumire lies.</p><p>George gives her a look, "Is there a reason you don't want to be home?"</p><p>Sumire pauses, her face now looking perplexed.</p><p>"No?" Sumire replies sincerely. And George doesn't have a thing to call her out on her bluff. "And what about you, George, is there a reason you aren't spending more time doing after school activities? I thought you said the kids there think you're cool."</p><p>"They do," George replies.</p><p>'Then why aren't you hanging out with them?' Sumire wants to say before she realises the reason is because she's taking up his current time.</p><p>So, she says, "Tell me about them."</p><p>And George does. He tells her about his school life — about the new friends he's made and the antics they get into and the clubs he's joined.</p><p>It gets Sumire thinking. Perhaps, she should join some clubs too. Maybe then she won't be as lonely.</p><p>...</p><p>Sumire joins the library committee. It gives her a reason to go hours without talking while looking busy with her books, her organising duties and shelf-stocking.</p><p>She flicks through a few novels she's never heard of before deciding it isn't for her. Later, she makes it a habit to pick up the English books left in George's bedroom.</p><p>It's come to the point where Sumire doesn't think she can survive without George's silent presence, even if he doesn't know his influence and guidance on her.</p><p>...</p><p>Sumire reads before class starts, between meals and in the spaces where she doesn't know what to do. She feels neutral towards action, classics and drama; pours her hours into coming-of-age novels, fantasy and adventure; and muses over mystery, horror and sci-fi.</p><p>She reads even around George when his attention is turned to his music or when they're outside under the cover of shaded trees — a familiar bucket hat shielding George's brown eyes and his hands busy with a fishing rod.</p><p>"Are you having fun?" George would ask every once in a while when the fishes were slow.</p><p>"Reading? I guess." Is all Sumire could say at the time as the smell of the salty sea attacks her nose. "The plot's a little slow."</p><p>"Do you want to take a walk if nothing happens in the next half an hour?"</p><p>"Can we?"</p><p>"Hmm," George would answer with a hum that rattled in her chest, a kind grin on his face and his eyes squinting. "Sure."</p><hr/><p>When the weather gets colder and snow begins to fall, the <em>ramen</em> place across the Ritsumeikan Asia Pacific University (APU) Plaza Oita (AP House 4) and Kitahama <em>onsen</em> become a common spot for George and Sumire to find themselves enjoying. The place is nice — giving off a traditional vibe with its vast array of wooden furnishing; the sleek bar and charming tabletops and sturdy seatings.</p><p><em>Tonkatsu ramen</em> is a specialty here, and Sumire would always smell the ingredients before she even gets a chance to stick her head into the eatery. But she doesn't mind, that's how she knows the <em>ramen</em> is good. The stronger the smell, the better the taste.</p><p>Sumire also likes the people who hang around. Most of the visitors were either locals, friendly tourists or foreign students from APU. When Sumire would sit next to George to have her meal, a conversation with someone new would follow. A mutual agreement between George, Sumire and their new acquaintances would be made. They'd practice their English and Japanese with each other; swapping between languages in an easy-going conversation about hobbies, interests and sights to see on the island and abroad.</p><p>"What's it like in America?" George once asked.</p><p>The person that George was talking to had been an American exchange student who was undertaking his year aboard at APU at the time. He had entertained George's question, easily telling the curious teen about his country and its experiences.</p><p>To Sumire, it had been a fascinating conversation, especially so when learning about their cultural differences, but it had not been one that interested her particularly. So, she didn't engage as much, mostly nodding her head along to some of the facts thrown about.</p><p>Deep down, she's always known that Beppu is her home (and that it would be silly to assume otherwise. How can this <em>onsen </em>Hell be anything other than the place that she will remain in for the rest of her life?). But for George, she can only presume that Beppu is simply the place he's born and raised in, and unlike Sumire, he's not tied down to the city or this country as a whole.</p><p>This is something she concluded very early on.</p><p>From the way George's eyes had lit up, clinging on to his new friend's every word, Sumire already knew that George had made up his mind about America — that it was a land of opportunities for him, a place that would probably be more accepting of him than here.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Time passes this way, and soon this becomes a ritual that carries on and continues into their second year.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>4</strong>
</p><hr/><p>"What are you reading?"</p><p>Sumire lifts up her cover half-heartedly for her brother to see.</p><p>"Is it interesting?" Yutaka asks further.</p><p>"I guess," She replies, shrugging. "I've read this book three times already."</p><p>"You sound bored."</p><p>"I am,"</p><p>"Then do something else," Yutaka tells his sister.</p><p>Sumire answers back, "There's nothing else to do."</p><p>Yutaka runs a hand through his messy bedhead. He can see through his sister's lie. It's true that Beppu isn't the biggest city in the Oita prefecture, but there are tons of things to do. Yes, things can get repetitive, but it's not like they're a rural area far from options. She can go to the Wonder Rakutenchi amusement park or make some animal friends at the Takasakiyama Monkey Park or attempt to steal golf balls from the Kijima Kogen resort for all he cares!</p><p>Sumire may be able to walk from one end of Beppu to another easily, but she can also commute to Oita or Hiji or anywhere else on the Kyushu island. Sumire being a lover of life should be excited at these endless possibilities. But — he thinks — she's decided to be a brat about it instead.</p><p>Yutaka holds his tongue though. He's disliking the direction this conversation is going. So, he asks, "Where's Mama?"</p><p>"Shopping." Sumire replies, a one-word response.</p><p>"Kikyou?"</p><p>"Sleeping."</p><p>Yutaka doesn't even bother asking about their father, he knows the older man is away somewhere — under the disguise of a business trip.</p><p>"You're so weird." Yutaka concludes. "Since when did you start preferring reading as a hobby? You used to be outdoors all the time," He finds the fact that his sister is sprawled on the couch a little sad. It's Summer break. Why spend it reading a dull novel?</p><p>Sumire doesn't bother giving a proper reply. She pretends to supply something close to an answer by humming.</p><p>"Shouldn't you be hanging out with your two friends? The one with the braids and —"</p><p>"They're busy," Sumire snaps, annoyed.</p><p>Yutaka stares at her suspiciously. It gets on her nerves.</p><p>Sumire shuts her novel loudly. She doesn't even bother to bookmark her current page. "Why are you suddenly being so nosy? Are you trying to get rid of me or something?"</p><p>"What's up with you today? Did you wake up on the wrong side of bed?"</p><p>Her moody features stay as it is. She doesn't answer her brother's question but instead asks her own, "When's George coming back?"</p><p>"Next week," Yutaka replies.</p><p>"I wish he wasn't away." Sumire confesses.</p><p>"Huh? Is this why you're in a sour mood? You're mad about George visiting his relatives?"</p><p>"I'm not mad, I'm bored that I've got nothing to do without him here." Sumire says, another confession.</p><p>Something like irritation flashes on Yutaka's features. "George isn't your entertainment." He tells her.</p><p>Sumire almost throws her book at him in response. "I know that! Why would you even say such a mean thing?!"</p><p>Yutaka frowns. "Because you act like he is."</p><p>"That's not true!" Sumire says defensively.</p><p>"George can't do anything with you always clinging onto him. Stop bothering the poor guy. You'll annoy him if you keep confining him to his room."</p><p>Sumire's mouth quivers and her voice goes soft, "We don't just hang out in his room."</p><p>She wants to tell her brother how she and George go on walks too; how they stop to pet the occasional stray cat; how they sit in parks to be with the sun, the trees and the sound of laughter. How she watches George fish when he gets fed up being inside for too long and how they go get lunch together every Friday after school.</p><p>But she doesn't, and Yutaka only throws his sister a disapproving look.</p><p>She wants to say, 'You make me feel bad for missing George,' but, this too, she keeps to herself.</p><hr/><p>"Sumire, long time no see."</p><p>"Ah, Ayako!" Sumire's head snaps up and someone shushes her. She was so shocked by the sight of an old friend that she forgets she's on library duty. How embarrassing!</p><p>Ayako laughs, her voice low. "How have you been?"</p><p>Sumire hopes her smile doesn't come out as too tight. "Fine," She says, before blurting out, "I feel like we drifted apart."</p><p>Ayako offers a sympathetic grin. "I've been busy."</p><p>"I heard,"</p><p>"I'm envious though." Ayako admits then pulls out a mirror out of her bag. Maybe just for something to do, maybe it's because she can't bear to look at Sumire in the eyes. "I'm really envious."</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>Envious? Envious of <em>who</em>? Is Ayako saying she's green (serpentine, even?) of Sumire?</p><p>"I've been working so hard to find a boyfriend. You make it look so effortless." Ayako continues.</p><p>"I don't ..." Sumire feels her mouth go dry. How did the conversation take such a sharp turn? "I don't understand." She blurts out yet again. It appears her words are carelessly tumbling out of her mouth today.</p><p>"Of course, you don't. You don't know how most of the girls feel, Sumire. You got a boyfriend before most of us even knew what having a boyfriend meant," Ayako says, never taking her eyes off her compact mirror as she applies a generous coat of lip gloss.</p><p>"Eh?"</p><p>"Why do you sound so surprised?" The mirror clicks shut as Ayako skillfully snaps it close. Her lips push together into a shimmery frown. "You and George-senpai — you guys are dating, aren't you? You don't have to pretend that you aren't. You make it even less obvious when you two hang out together all the time. He even picks you up from school when he studies all the way in Oita."</p><p>Sumire stares dumbly back at Ayako. It's not like George solely commutes from Oita to Beppu just to see her. He <em>lives</em> in Beppu so George would have to travel anyway, Ayako <em>should </em>know this! They all went to the same elementary school together and even played at each other's houses!</p><p>Even if George did put in all that effort, Sumire can't wrap her head around why her old friend would believe that George is interested in <em>her</em> (his best friend's sister) of all people?</p><p>Then, as if Ayako had flipped something in Sumire, a single word sprouts — <em>Why?</em></p><p>
  <em>Just why?</em>
</p><p>All the other questions that had been building up for the past year soon follows, leaping into Sumire's mind. Why did <em>all this</em> have to happen? Why did Ayako abandon Sumire and Moe? Why did she invest herself in the idea of obtaining a romantic partner? Why did Ayako have to do such a thing? And why did most of her friends follow suit? Why is everyone rushing to make such grown-up decisions?</p><p>Sumire <em>knows </em>she ages every April; she <em>knows</em> she can't stop growing and that she'll eventually be a high school student, but ... <em>still</em> ...</p><p>They're only thirteen! And Sumire thinks — <em>no </em>— she <strong>strongly believes</strong> that she and her friends should be doing fun things. Like going to the arcade and cake shops, not fretting over appearances for the sake of a relationship.</p><p>What happened in their transition from elementary school to junior high? Did everyone receive an agenda unknown to her the night of enrolling to Beppu West Junior High? What made her year cohorts think that making up rumours about her non-existent love life would be okay?</p><p>"George isn't my boyfriend." Sumire finally says.</p><p>"Then what is he to you?"</p><p>Sumire gives Ayako a quizzical look. She doesn't understand what the other girl means by that.</p><p>"George is just George." Is what comes out of Sumire's mouth.</p><p>Ayako shakes her head, making Sumire feel like a dummy for not understanding. "You shouldn't treat George-senpai like that. He's a guy too, you know?"</p><p>Sumire's expression never changes, but her heart aches in her chest. Who's this very girl standing before her? Sumire can't recognise <em>this </em>Ayako at all, no matter how hard she tries to understand. This person can't be the same Ayako Tanaka she grew up with just a few years ago. What the hell happened between Ayako and those new friends of hers to make Ayako so cut-throat? Make her act like such a — pardon the foul language — freaking entitled bitch (a swear word that George shouldn't have taught Sumire)?</p><p>"George is just George," Sumire repeats. And she means what she says.</p><p>"Hmm, if you say so."</p><p>There's something about the way Ayako had said those words that ticked Sumire off. It's <em>so careless</em>, <em>so ignorant</em>. Now she's <strong>mad</strong>, now Sumire wants to stand her ground. That famous temper of hers comes flaring.</p><p><em>What do you know about George, Ayako? What. do. you. know? Nothing. </em><em><strong>Nothing at all! </strong></em><em>Who are you to judge George's life?! </em>Sumire finds herself thinking, shouting in her head as opposed to the silent library.</p><p>Then she realises how Ayako could have made such an insane assumption about her and George dating. Ayako might have shared all six years of her life being classmates with Sumire, but she doesn't know George the same way Sumire does.</p><p>George can be shy sometimes so he doesn't speak unless spoken to. Sumire can see why nobody would prod him about his 'taken relationship status' or why he isn't boasting about having a girlfriend. She's sure not many even know that George enjoys creating music and is picky when it comes to the types of foods he likes to eat.</p><p>But, for Ayako to act like she knows <em>everything </em>about guys just because she's reading about flirting tips in magazines and studying the opposite sex like a test that she needs to ace means nill. Not when Ayako doesn't even try to get to know George above surface-level presumptions.</p><p><em>You know nothing!</em> Sumire repeats once more.</p><p>She is so <em>so</em> <strong>so</strong> furious. Her hands tremble behind the counter and her glare is heated, but Ayako does not falter.</p><p>"I <em>do</em> say so." Sumire grounds. She wants this to be a sign for Ayako to get out of her sight.</p><p>However, Ayako remains. Something like a smile spreads on her face. It makes Sumire shiver. The only response she gets is Ayako's head shaking once more.</p><p>'Silly girl.' Ayako seems to say. '<em>Silly</em>,<em> naïve</em> girl.'</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>"What are you doing here?" Is the first thing Sumire says when she sees George standing by the school gates.</p><p>George blinks back in confusion and lowers the hand that was raised to greet her.</p><p>"It's Friday." He reminds her. "Aren't we going to the <em>ramen</em> place on Kyomachi street?"</p><p>"Don't you have after school activities to do? Clubs or cram school or a part-time job?" Sumire asks hotly.</p><p>George tilts his head.</p><p>Sumire doesn't elaborate, already stomping away from her school, her knee-length skirt swishing behind her.</p><p>"Sumi?" George calls after her.</p><p>Sumire feels her jaw clench. "Don't."</p><p>George lets a beat pass, hoping time will cool her off. She doesn't say anything back.</p><p>"What's this really about?" George asks gently.</p><p>Sumire tries not to scowl. She gets angry at a lot of things, but she rarely gets heated at George, he's too kind for that treatment.</p><p>And yet, bitterness comes tumbling out of her mouth, "Some of the kids think you're my boyfriend."</p><p>"We're not like that."</p><p>"I know that. You do too, but they don't."</p><p>Hurt flashes on his face. "Do you really care about what they say? Do you think it's bad to be associated with me?" George asks.</p><p>Sumire stops. She can't move when he looks at her like that. She turns away to avoid his gaze and glares at her shoes.</p><p>The weight of guilt is heavy on Sumire's tiny shoulders. She knows George has expressed some issues about being a <em>hafu</em> due to some people treating him like an outsider. He's never quite felt whole; seeing as he's been viewed 'half' most of his life; being questioned about being mixed-race and having to explain why he looked the way he did.</p><p>And what Sumire is saying to him now, with her cold intonation and directionless anger, sounds like she is telling him that he's less. She <em>knows</em> he might misunderstand. She <em>knows</em> he might think she doesn't want to be seen with him because he isn't a good enough person for her, ever.</p><p>But George is quiet. He's <em>so quiet</em>. He's never raised his voice at her, never told her he's disappointed in her. He keeps <em>a lot </em>to himself; his rage, his blue and grey days, his concerns and anxieties. He's so <em>so </em><strong>so</strong> reserved as a person, and it'd be <em>so easy</em> to lay <em>everything</em> on him.</p><p>She <em>shouldn't</em> though. She <strong>shouldn't</strong>.</p><p>George's nature isn't all-forgiving. It can be mistaken for him being <em>so nice</em> and <em>a peace-keeper</em>, but he's not happy this way. Not really. How can he be? It <em>must</em> be an act. He's playing a role, the happy-go-lucky actor who never complains and never steps on other people's feet and never forgets his lines because he isn't given much to say. His mask almost never slips. He's <em>so good</em> at hiding. He's <em>so good </em>at pretending everything is okay.</p><p>Despite it all, Sumire tells George: "You just don't get it."</p><p>Her conscience and rage fight against one another.</p><p>She knows she's being selfish right now, and maybe she shouldn't be this way ... but it's all <em>too much.</em> How would George understand what she's going through? He didn't suddenly lose his best friend despite moving to a new school, he's still close to Yutaka.</p><p>But for her ... it's as if she's losing everything she's ever known so well, so quickly. First in Ayako, and then in Moe. Sometimes, it feels like the only person who'd listen to her is Kikyou, but even then, her sister is too little to understand what Sumire's babbling about.</p><p>"<em>Stay small forever. Don't grow up," </em>Sumire recalls telling Kikyou, almost knocking her sibling's bright yellow elementary school cap off her head. <em>"Don't get a boyfriend!"</em></p><p>Sumire's losing the plot, and her universe feels so uncertain right now.</p><p>It's been hours since the conversation, Sumire knows that she shouldn't let what Ayako said bother her too much, but there's something about the way the girl had said it. She can't forget it and leave it be.</p><p>"<em>Then what is he to you?"</em></p><p>The question rings out loud and clear in her mind, but no matter how much she tries, she cannot move past her answer that George is George.</p><p>"Don't get what?" George asks, patient as always as he pulls Sumire out of her thoughts. He reminds her that she's leaving the older boy hanging. Something that had not been her intention to begin with.</p><p>"Nothing," Replies Sumire immediately.</p><p>"It doesn't sound like nothing. Tell me; what do you mean?" George asks earnestly.</p><p>"I – I ..." The words just won't come out.</p><p>She tries to reason back at him, but again, she's struggling to find a way to say it. She wants to run away.</p><p>But George is standing in her path, impossibly tall with pleading eyes.</p><p>If she keeps talking, then she <em>will</em> cry. Or worse, she'll snap at George further. The nagging knowledge of George's sensitivity to the topic digs its heels into her sides.</p><p>This <em>will</em> hurt him.</p><p>"Tell me."</p><p>She shakes her head. "You won't get it."</p><p>"Sumi —"</p><p>"It's nothing, alright?! Just — Just forget it, George! Leave it alone!" She gives up in trying to find a way to explain herself, throwing the towel in. She's defeated.</p><p>"Sumi —"</p><p>"Leave me alone too!"</p><p>Sumire removes herself from this situation, turning her face away from him and keeping her mouth shut. She <em>doesn't</em> answer his question. <em>Won't</em> answer his question.</p><p>She leaves George with a view of the back of her head, the birthday present he gave her glittering in her hair, a mocking gesture. A heartache.</p><p>George does not chase after her that day, but she doesn't expect him to. Especially not after what had just happened.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>5</strong>
</p><hr/><p>They don't talk for a few weeks — which is (not-so surprisingly) difficult, given that Sumire's orbited around George for so long. Without even realising it, he's become her sun.</p><p>But Sumire tries to distract herself by reading books that don't belong to George and staying as silent as a mouse when George visits Yutaka's room. She even goes as far as to pretend to look forward to her class trip to Yufuin.</p><p>But on the day of the event, Sumire spots Moe and Sugimura holding hands, and she suddenly feels ill. Those two really became an official couple, but Sumire desperately wishes for them to break-up. She never realised how awkward (and somewhat pitiful) a meal can feel until she started third-wheeling the couple during lunch hour.</p><p>Sumire really wants to avoid such ugly emotions, she can't imagine how much worse the lonesome feeling will expand with their current situation — it being a picnic on the top of a hilltop scenery and all. She almost asks, 'Chizuru-san, can I eat with you and Abe-san?' until she spots the two huddled close together from the chill in the autumn air. Then she feels twice as bad for even thinking of asking and retreats away with her <em>bento</em> and her novel in hand.</p><p>Sitting alone under a tree, she tries her best to not feel like a loser. She tries her hardest not to miss the warmth and the memories of the meals she used to have with George. She tries to push away the regret of her harsh words and how exposed she feels with her cherry blossom hair-clip left on her dresser.</p><hr/><p>Sumire rushes out to the park she's so used to visiting. As a kid, she used to love playing here. She loved the slides that took off a bit of her skin whenever she slid down, the monkey bars that she could never get past three handles and the climbing towers that she could excel in.</p><p>It's always been a bright place in her mind. But now it's after dinner time. The moon is out and the dimness of the street lights above her head makes things eerie and creepy. She <em>should</em> turn back. She <em>should</em> know it's dangerous.</p><p>But she's hurt and she just wants to be away. Her Mama just broke the news that she and her father are getting a divorce. As if her life isn't sad enough, now she has to be hit with this bad news? Her Mama is only a housewife, Kikyou is still so little and Yutaka is so selfish, how will her broken family cope?</p><p>Sumire runs and <em>runs</em> and <strong>runs </strong>despite the pain in her lungs and her sides; despite the tears blurring her vision.</p><p>It's not surprising to find Sumire on the ground a second later, scraped and bruised, her knee probably bleeding red.</p><p>She strikes the icy ground in frustration. So stupid! So stupid of her to trip and get hurt! So typical of her!</p><p>The sound of a swingset creeks, then —</p><p>"Sumi-chan, are you alright?"</p><p>Sumire looks up in a daze. "... Moe?"</p><p>"Hi ..." Moe replies just as lamely. She helps her friend off the ground and dusts the dirt away from Sumire's body, eyeing the blood. "It's late." She states, taking out her handkerchief and dabbing at Sumire's wound.</p><p>"I know. I ... I ... I'm upset."</p><p>Moe nods, unsure if her friend wants to talk it out, before telling Sumire, "I had an argument with Sugi-kun." just to have something to say.</p><p>Sumire feels her chest weight. A thousand things race through her mind and mount itself on her tongue. She <em>should </em>be upset with her father, but she doesn't want to think of that right now because all she can think about is the <em>one person</em> she wishes she can talk to this about.</p><p>But he's not here. He's not here because she took out her anger on him and George has a right to be mad at her. He has a right to not be speaking to her for being a brat.</p><p>So, all she says is: "I think George and I had a fight too,"</p><p>Moe lets out a bitter laugh. "Wow, look at us, crying about boy problems."</p><p>Sumire nods, her movement lethargic before she finds a sudden surge of energy. She launches herself into Moe's arms. And Sumire cries.</p><p>She cries in Moe's shoulder because she's horrible, isn't she? She can't keep any friends nor even a parent by her side. They all want to leave her. And they rightfully should.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Sumire sits by herself on the swing set, Moe long gone having returned home an hour ago. It had been nice to cry and talk it out with a familiar girl friend, but Sumire didn't feel like going home just yet, so she remained.</p><p>Looking up at the dark sky hanging above her, she can tell that it's late now. Her mother and sister are <em>definitely</em> worried about her, her brother ... might be worried about her too, but her father ...</p><p><em>He wouldn't care.</em> Sumire thinks.</p><p>The man is already abandoning them all behind, he hadn't even bothered to fight over custody rights or visitations with her mother. Wasn't it obvious from the beginning that he didn't care about them? So why would he care where she is right now?</p><p>He probably thinks that she's being a brat too — just like George.</p><p>
  <em>George.</em>
</p><p>Her mind always seems to find its way back to him. As her arms wrap themselves around her shivering body, she doubts that he's even thinking of her. So why would he be coming around anytime soon?</p><p>Or so she thinks.</p><p>"Sumi," A familiar voice rings out as she looks up to see George. He looks a little winded, as though he had been running about, as though he had been searching — searching for her. He comes closer. "I'm here to pick you up."</p><p>"You don't have to." Sumire finds herself saying. It's an automatic response. She doesn't want to burden him. She still feels so awful.</p><p>"Would you like me to switch places with Yuta then? Do you want Yuta to pick you up instead?"</p><p><em>Aniki? </em>Sumire thinks, then realises, <em>Oh.</em></p><p>Is Yutaka the one to send George over? If so, then Yutaka <em>is</em> worried about her disappearance. But, of course, Yutaka also didn't notice her distancing herself from George, his best friend! Her brother can be so blind at times!</p><p>"No." Sumire answers, short and simple.</p><p>The air grows thick, so heavy that Sumire thinks she may suffocate in it. She's almost grateful when George breaks the silence by draping his coat around her tiny frame.</p><p>"I know why you were upset about the boyfriend thing now. Your parents ... you must have known they were splitting up. Maybe you didn't believe in love anymore because of that so you were livid when the people in your school thought we were dating and I ... I should have been more understanding. I should have just left it alone like you asked me to. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so insensitive," George says then trails off.</p><p>Sumire thinks it'd be so easy to lie, to agree with George, say something along the lines of: 'Yes, that's why I was so upset! What's so great about romance and getting a boyfriend anyways? Couples can date for years and years, and even get married, and someone can still leave and walk out. Someone can still be unreliable in a marriage, disappoint a whole family and ruin close to two decades' worth of harmony!' but she doesn't.</p><p>Instead, she tells him, "You don't have to do this. Papa left <em>our</em> family, not yours."</p><p>"I know," George says softly.</p><p>"Mama says <em>Aniki</em>, Kikyou and I have to look out for each other," Sumire continues, still not wanting to be a burden to George.</p><p>"I know."</p><p>Another beat passes.</p><p>"You don't have to be here. You don't have to do this." Sumire repeats.</p><p>"I'm doing it," George answers without a pause. He's determined.</p><p>"Why?" Sumire asks. "Did Mama make you? I'm sorry if she inconvenienced you. She probably asked because she's paranoid of losing another family member now that Papa's going away." She tells him, phrasing it in a way that's gentle. She doesn't want to hurt George's feelings by making him think he's lesser or excluded for being who he is. She already made that mistake.</p><p>George shakes his head. "She didn't."</p><p>"Did your mom make you promise you'd look out for me?"</p><p>"No. <em>Okaasan </em>didn't say anything."</p><p>"Then?" Sumire pushes, not wanting to think George is doing all this because her brother told him to.</p><p>George takes a moment to kneel in the snow, getting on the same eye-level as Sumire's sitting position. His yellow gloves remind her of the leaves in autumn and the sun on warm days and Kikyou's hat. He zips her up in his Winter coat.</p><p>"It's because I care about you," He answers finally.</p><p>His mouth barely moves when he says this, showing how reserved he is. Most of his replies are often spoken in such an even tone that strangers can easily mistaken his intentions as disinterest or hollowness or an empty dullness.</p><p>But Sumire knows better.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>"I'm sorry," She apologises. Then —</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>"I missed you," She tells him.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>6</strong>
</p><hr/><p>If she had known that he'd be going overseas for university, she would have begged for more time together. She'd ask him to go on more walks and fishing trips by the docks, and to spend less hours working part-time. But he already committed himself to doing all these things, and who is she to ask him to turn back? Revert to their old ways?</p><p>George's got a life outside of her. He's got a bright future.</p><p>It provokes Sumire to think ahead too. She decides to attend a high school outside of Beppu as well. But not the academy George had enrolled in. It's too expensive. She chooses something more subtle. There's a school in Hiji, a few stops over, by the sea. She thinks it's a lovely homage to remember George when he's halfway across the world.</p><p>Sumire recalls clutching onto the skirt of her high school uniform as she watched George's silhouette fade; the doors to the gate swallowing him whole, his luggage big and bulky, the sounds of the airport alive and unapologetic.</p><p>"He'll be back for the holidays. Don't worry." Yutaka had said. Perhaps the kindest thing he's ever said to his sister.</p><p>September was a sad time.</p><hr/><p>You'd think with modern technology, keeping in touch would be easier. But for Sumire, it isn't the case. She has a phone, but it's old and crappy; lagging and freezing with no possibility of holding onto long-distance international calls with the current data plan she's on.</p><p>So, they had tried their best to keep in touch the old fashion way — sending postcards, letters and e-mails from the school's computer lab because the Kino household didn't own a family computer and Yutaka rarely lets Sumire use his laptop. (Her brother can be <em>so selfish</em> sometimes, he used to do this with their playdates as children as well.) George was considerate though, sending Sumire messages and gifts that he knew would specifically make her happy enough to smile with glee.</p><p>Occasionally, they'd have video calls where Sumire gets to see George's face and hear his voice again, a sign that gave Sumire great relief to know that he was at least still alive. The only downside to them was that she would have to share these calls with Yutaka, and sometimes her brother didn't even bother to tell her that George was calling so that he could have more time for himself.</p><p>At first, George had sent many gifts, but as the year went by, Sumire had noticed that he slowly started to send them less frequently. Perhaps due to his university work picking up, or that George had simply gotten busy. Nevertheless, Sumire tried to stay positive.</p><p>Eventually, Sumire does get her own laptop after saving up from her part-time jobs at <em>Lawsons</em> and <em>Family Mart</em>, and then things start to get a little easier. But not by much, with the data plan still being an issue and the time-zone difference.</p><p><strong>I'm staying for the Summer. </strong>George tells Sumire through text, and Sumire could picture George suffering abroad; fanning himself due to the heat, hating the feeling of the sweat on his back. He never did like how his shirt would stick and cling to him like second-skin.</p><p><strong>（●</strong><strong>･△･｀）</strong><strong>Did something happen? Did you fail and have to take Summer classes?</strong> Sumire asks, struggling against the blue light beaming at her face.</p><p><strong>Not exactly. But there are a few opportunities and programmes I would like to join. I've only got three years to spend here, I'd like to try my hand in as many things as possible. I hope you don't mind.</strong> George answers, followed by several bowing emojis that probably looked prettier on his shiny new iPhone screen. It's a little odd to see him use a different number.</p><p>Sumire's fingers hover over an emoticon then decides against it. <strong>I don't mind.</strong> She lies. <strong>You just enjoy your time over there, okay? °˖✧ ( ' ▽ ' )</strong><strong>ﾉ ✧</strong></p><p>He sends back a thumbs-up emoji.</p><p>Sumire can feel sleepiness taking over her. But she doesn't want the conversation to end just yet. So she sends him one more text before she shuts her eyes, <strong>Don't forget to take care of yourself ⋌</strong>༼ •<strong>̀ ⌂ •́ </strong>༽⋋</p><p>
  <strong>Alright. I will.</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>7</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Her school has a Language Cultural Development Exchange Programme and Sumire has voiced out an interest in taking it. The promise of seeing George in America is what had fuelled her. Unfortunately, she thinks this is what led to the fight too.</p><p>"You can't join the programme." Yutaka says.</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"It's expensive. We don't have enough money to spare."</p><p>Red flashes in her eyes. "You're just saying that because you want to go abroad too," Sumire accuses.</p><p>Her voice is knowing at the time too. Yutaka's university offers the same opportunity, except that it's a whole year as opposed to her one-month programme.</p><p>Sumire knows her life hasn't been the same since her parents' divorce. It's undeniable that money <em>has </em>been tight. But it feels like Yutaka gets all the luxuries in life sometimes, and Sumire doesn't know why. Is it because he's the oldest and only son of the family? Yutaka was given a laptop when he first entered high school while Sumire had to work part-time jobs on the weekends to save up for her own.</p><p>"<em>Sumire,</em>" Yutaka says warningly.</p><p>And she tries her hardest not to whine and act like a brat, but Sumire wonders if this is all up to bad luck or fate. It just isn't fair.</p><hr/><p>"Sumire,"</p><p>"Oh, you're talking to me now?"</p><p>Yutaka scowls at Sumire's snark but doesn't comment on it. "George's gone viral." Is all he says.</p><p>"Wh-at?"</p><p>Yutaka shoves his phone in Sumire's direction and she hesitates to touch the device. She cradles it in her palms.</p><p>With a shaky breath, Sumire reads the alarmingly high number of views and skims through the comments. George's video <em>has</em> gone viral.</p><p><em>Shit.</em> Sumire thinks as she stares at the screen, her back ramrod straight. What's come out of that mouth of his? She's scared; she <em>warned</em> him about that odd humour of his. Do people think he's hilarious in a strange way?</p><p>But it's not his witticism that's got the whole internet wild and eating from the palm of his hand. It's his voice; his sweet, melodic voice.</p><hr/><p>"It's big."</p><p>"What is?" Sumire says to her brother's statement.</p><p>"George's fame." Replies Yutaka, scrolling through an article on his laptop. "He's caught the attention of a lot of American Record companies, word has it that they're looking to sign him maybe."</p><p>"But he just started doing his second year of university, he can't just stop."</p><p>Yutaka shrugs, "George could drop out since he's got the chance to now. He's famous enough as it is. The world practically loves him and his voice."</p><p>Sumire doesn't respond.</p><hr/><p><em>It's today!</em> Sumire thinks. She looks forward to George's return for his coming-of-age celebration.</p><p>The school bell rings and she can't hide her excitement as she dashes out of her classroom, eager to see him. Moe and Itsuki call out to her, but Abe tells the girls to let Sumire be while Yonezawa snorts in amusement.</p><p>A lot has happened since George left. Sumire's patched up her drifting relationship with Moe and no longer feels out of place with the idea of coupledom. It's not as 'gross' as she thought, to quote her twelve-year-old self. She's made a lot of new friends at Hiji, going as far as to join the Cooking Club, Gardening Club and Literature Club.</p><p>Moe and Sugimura are still together and going strong despite Sugimura studying elsewhere. Sumire, Moe and Abe even make it a habit to meet up at least once a month with him and Chizuru. Out of everyone, Chizuru has grown the most, turning out to be a prodigy.</p><p>But there are some things that stay constant too; like the hair-clip that George gave to Sumire oh-so long ago. It still stays nestled in her hair, pinning strands away from her face.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>The moment Sumire enters through the door of her house, she knows that something is wrong. She can see it in her brother's eyes, the expression of seriousness etched across his face. Her mother is trying to look strong, but even Sumire could see the sullenness behind her weak gaze.</p><p>"What's going on?" Asks Sumire, walking closer to her family.</p><p>The only one missing is Kikyou, but perhaps that is for the best.</p><p>It's Yutaka that speaks, taking the lead.</p><p>"Sumire," He says regretfully as he looks at her. "You know how Mama hasn't been feeling too well, so she went to Beppu Central Hospital for a checkup?"</p><p>Sumire nods, not liking where the conversation is going.</p><p>"The results got back today; her illness is terminal." It's as if he had dropped a bomb on her. "Mama's dying."</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>They're back in the childhood park that they used to visit as children and she's back to spilling her guts. Sumire finds it ironic how good George has always been at reappearing and disappearing in her life with his unparalleled timing. She thinks he's like a magician and each miserable chance he's stumbled into is all just an act.</p><p>"Mama is sick," Is the first thing that comes out of Sumire's mouth on that cold January evening.</p><p>George nods his head gently. "<em>Okaasan</em> told me." He says. His fingers flex and he wishes to reach out and hold her hand in support. "What are you going to do?"</p><p>"<em>Aniki</em>'s made some semblance of a plan." Sumire says numbly. "He says that I shouldn't worry about it, but I know I can't sit on my hands and pretend my life isn't changing." She tells him, flashing that familiar stubbornness he always knew she had. "I'll put off going to university to take care of Mama. I'll do it until Kikyou graduates high school. It's just three years, it won't be so bad. Then I'll continue studying and get a job."</p><p>She doesn't tell him that Yutaka will likely have to drop out of Beppu University and immediately start job-hunting. She doesn't tell him about her family's financial issues. She doesn't tell George that — with Japan's Healthcare expenditure rising each year — the Kino household had to come to a difficult decision. After struggling to pay for their national health insurance plans, the large sum became too much of a burden. With Sumire's father out of the picture and Sumire's mother mostly being a housewife, this trouble led to them having to cut costs and forgoing the insurance plan.</p><p>It would be lovely to imagine that Japan's Healthcare System is<em> forever</em> universal, providing ease by covering <em>everyone </em>and having insurance pay for 70% of the bill <em>most of the time</em>. However, that isn't the whole truth. There are people who can't pay. They exist, and they die due to a lack of insurance or the fact that they had their insurance cards revoked.</p><p>"Will Kikyou take care of your mom when you start studying?" George asks.</p><p>"If Mama hasn't passed away by then," Sumire says.</p><p>And George thinks it's a horrible way to leave a conversation, so he tells her: "Listen, Sumi, I don't think I'll be coming back to Japan for a bit."</p><p>"What? Why?" Sumire feels these questions leap out of her throat before she can even process it. She doesn't give him time to answer her when she asks, "Is it because you like it there better? Is that it?"</p><p>"I got a job offer. It's ... big. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to do music and I have a feeling that things will happen really quickly. I can't let it pass. I have to be at my feet, the race has already started and I should be running my hardest now."</p><p>Sumire hears this all, the words hitting her hard and making her feel numb all over. She thinks of things like Hollywood and fame and meetings with important people. This little island is nothing compared to all those things. Beppu's got nothing to offer; she should know, she's living such a life.</p><p>(And he's leaving her here to gather like forgotten memories.)</p><p>'Fine. Don't come back. Stay overseas. See if I care,' She wants to say, but doesn't. She recalls the day she had let her tongue control her, and George had ended up spending weeks drifting away from her and in pain. She can't do that again. Not when he's so close to tasting happiness.</p><p>It needs to be said: Both of their lives are changing and neither can sit still about it, it's only a matter of which direction they're heading and how they'll steer their unexpected journeys.</p><p>"Okay," Sumire says finally.</p><p>"Okay?"</p><p>She nods, her action stiff and her head buzzing with thoughts. "Just promise me one thing?"</p><p>George holds a steady gaze, his attention never straying from her.</p><p>"Come back as soon as you can, alright? Don't be gone for too long."</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>She walks back home alone with a heaviness in her chest and tears dripping on her uniform shirt. It sucks. It hurts. It's ice cold.</p><p>She can't believe she's crying in public. She hasn't done this since she was in junior high. She should hold it in until she reaches her front door, at the very least, but everything comes pouring out. And she's got no one to blame but herself.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>8</strong>
</p><hr/><p>There is no ring, just an offer that Sumire doesn't know if she should reject or not.</p><p>She isn't sure if she's gravitating towards George because he's what she needs at this current time, or if it's because he's one of the few treasured things she has in life that she wants to keep.</p><p>Is she getting punished or rewarded? She doesn't know. She's tempted to count her sins, the consequences for everything she's ever done and her bad luck.</p><p>Is it her fault that her family's struggling financially thanks to piling medical bills? Is it her fault for deciding to delay her studies by a few years to spend her adolescence taking care of her sick mother? Is it her fault that time slows down for no one and one day she woke up no longer a teenager but in her mid-twenties? Is it her fault that, when she finally earned some free time, she spent it being a student despite (what felt like) her entire world telling her she was already lagging behind?</p><p>Becoming a wife is not a burden, it's a responsibility that comes with some difficult expectations. It's hard for her to imagine, to be told even, that she will be the source of someone's happiness.</p><p>Despite it all, George deserves goodness in his life. He's been running around, checking up on people. He's been giving and<em> giving</em> and<strong> giving</strong>.</p><p>(And it feels like Sumire's not doing the same for him, even if she knows George would never ask for anything in return. <em>It's not fair</em> for her to take and <em>take</em> and <strong>take</strong>.)</p><p>Should she do this? Should she play pretend? Play house?</p><p>Sumire hasn't even agreed yet, but something tells her that she'll <em>miss</em> this life that George is offering her. This — <em>could have been</em>. She <em>knows </em>she'll miss it. She'll miss this fictional version of herself that she could have looked out for. She'll miss making this make-believe person happy — because she fights so hard to do such a thing now.</p><p>She stares at George the same way he had on those long-ago days where he comforted her at the playground.</p><p>Her mouth part, her lips shake, and words come tumbling out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Notes 3: Eight sections to show the eight years George had decided to stay gone (in America), though each part does not reflect eight years. Idk, but, I'm so sorry, George and Sumi. I swear I love you, but I love angst too?</p><p>Notes 4: Happy Lunar New Year! I hope y'all have a wonderful holiday!</p><p>— 12 February 2021</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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